I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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