PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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