Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
