So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
