Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
