If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
