Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
