their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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