Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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