She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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