So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I lost the right to judge tonight
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I forget how to act sober
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
