so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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