I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
