All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
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He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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