My brain says no but my pants say off.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
