I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
