All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
