We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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