i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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