You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
