Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
