oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
