I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
