operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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