the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The uberlube is also flammable
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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