If that was your dad, he is hot
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
