Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
