He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
