I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
