You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
