Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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