last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
