so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
