so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
