Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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