I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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