those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
