If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
