I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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