Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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