his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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