When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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