Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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