Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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