I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
