What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
