No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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