Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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