birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
