It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
