i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
