just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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