he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
