so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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