I just made out with a guy for $7.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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