Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
