I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
