finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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