i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
