i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
