It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize