Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my being single is dangerous.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
