Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
