Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
