we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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