you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
