I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
