I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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