Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
