Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
