i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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